Life in a Fog

Betrayal Trauma is a devastating experience that can leave us feeling shattered and lost. The sudden rupture of trust in a close relationship can have a profound impact on our sense of self, leaving us questioning who we are and what we stand for. 

Betrayal Trauma is a form of psychological trauma that occurs when someone we trust violates our trust in a significant way. This can take many forms, such as infidelity, lying, or emotional manipulation. The experience can be profoundly disorienting, leaving us feeling like we no longer know who we are or what we stand for.

When someone close to us violates our trust so significantly, we lose all sense of reality…we live in a fog, can hardly see up from down or left from right, and we are so disoriented, that at times, it feels that death would be a gift.  If you’ve experienced this kind of trauma, you understand what I mean…and I’m sorry that you do.  If you haven’t experienced this kind of trauma, be grateful, and then give grace and love to others who HAVE experienced this kind of trauma, knowing that while you can’t understand it experientially, that hopefully hearing the truth of it will give you some compassion toward those who ARE experiencing it!  I definitely needed this when I was in the heat of my trauma.  I needed people to just love me and show compassion even if they didn’t fully understand the degree of pain I was in.

I Don’t Recognize Me

In the aftermath of betrayal, it is not uncommon to feel like we no longer recognize ourselves. The competent, funny, and focused person we once knew seems like a distant memory, replaced by a shattered, anxious, and broken stranger. This sudden change in our identity can be overwhelming and disorienting, leaving us feeling like we cannot even count on ourselves. At the core of Betrayal Trauma is a rupture of trust, which is why there is a profound impact on our sense of identity. Trust is the foundation of all close relationships, and when that foundation is shaken, it can feel like the ground beneath us is giving way. We may question our own judgment, wondering how we could have been so wrong about someone we thought we knew so well. We may also feel a sense of betrayal towards ourselves, for having trusted someone who turned out to be unworthy of that trust.

Hidden Gifts

However, despite the challenges, there is a hidden gift in this experience. Betrayal Trauma provides us with a unique opportunity for self-discovery. Through the process of navigating this adversity, we have the chance to learn more about ourselves, both our strengths and weaknesses.

At first, it may feel like we have lost our true selves and don’t know who we are anymore. But as we move through the process of healing, we may uncover new parts of ourselves that we didn’t even know existed. We may discover that we are capable of greater resilience, compassion, and forgiveness than we ever thought possible. We may also uncover aspects of ourselves that we need to work on, such as setting boundaries or practicing self-care.

One important aspect of this process is self-compassion. Betrayal Trauma is a form of DEEP trauma, and like all forms of trauma, it can take time to heal. It requires us to confront painful emotions and face difficult truths about ourselves and our relationships. However, the end result can be a profound transformation, as we emerge from the experience with a greater sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance. We may also find that we have a deeper understanding of the nature of trust and how to cultivate it in our relationships moving forward. We need to be patient with ourselves, acknowledging that the journey of self-discovery is not an easy one. We may need to seek professional help or support from loved ones. We may also need to allow ourselves to grieve the loss of the person we once knew, while also opening ourselves up to the possibility of new growth and transformation.

As we move forward on this journey, it is important to remember that we are not alone. Many others have gone through similar experiences and have come out the other side stronger and more resilient. It is also essential to be kind and patient with ourselves, acknowledging that healing takes time and that it is okay to make mistakes along the way.

Pain Turned Positive