Ok, Picture this…

You are sitting in this beautiful and peaceful living room.  It’s clean, calm, minimalistic, full of indoor plants giving the room life and breath.  Essential oils fill the room with smells to calm the senses.  You have your favorite coffee or tea in hand, it is THE PERFECT hair day, and you’re wearing your new flowing beautiful (yet comfortable) white dress with lace.  Light music is playing on your retro record player.  You breathe in deeply and are overwhelmed with the calmness and joy you feel at your perfect life. A gentle breeze flows over you from the fresh air of the open window.  You gaze out across the vast hills, in wonder at it’s beauty.  You close your eyes, start to take in another deep breathe, and are…

…SUDDENLY shocked into the present as your hot beverage slams you in the face and all down your beautiful lacy white…er…um, wait – your dirty black sweat pants and pajama shirt?  A flying stuffed animal has hit you in the chest, knocking the drink you were holding and spilling it all over you.  You swipe across your chin to wipe the drips that splattered there, and then you glance around.  You see……NOT what was just described, but what looks like a tornado has hit.  Your child’s toys are everywhere.  The 3 different sets of art supplies given by various family members at Christmas time are strewn about everywhere, and the hoverboard is in the middle of all of that.  School work is all thrown half on the couch, half on the floor, and mechanical pencils of 4 different colors are thrown into that pile.  There are 4 different blankets in piles around the room.  All of the couch pillows are, well…NOT on the couch.  You shift your position and your feet hit the floor only to feel the grime of crumbs of…what IS that?  Cheetos?  Dried Bread?  What in the WORLD?  You glance over to the dining table and dishes from the kids from several days are all over it…along with more markers and drawing tablets and…socks?  WHY are there socks on the table?  A bit further past the table is the kitchen island…not currently usable as it has a backpack on it, more drawing and coloring pencils and markers, pieces of mail, 4 empty cups from kids thinking they need a new glass with every drink of water they get, a to-go bag from whatever fast food your older child brought home the night before and left all the wrappings.  The stovetop is full of dirty dishes, and the air frier is sitting there from 2 days ago when one of your children made some frozen chicken tenders.  Oh, and also, the last 4 days, the kids needed to wear a different pair of shoes each day, and apparently those shoes needed to stay right there on the floor instead of being put away. A pile of unfolded clean laundry is in the front room (and has been there for days), and you realize there are still 3 decorations you failed to put away from Christmas!

I may or may not have been describing my home this past week.

Sometimes I get that feeling of not being good enough or that feeling of being worthless around a number of things!  For example:

• • when it comes to being a mom
    • I work a full-time job — I work my side business — I homeschool — I’m a single mom doing it all — I don’t cook as much as I used to (thank GOD for good protein shakes that my kids love -ha ha) — I forget to grade my kids school work — I fall asleep when my daughter wants to watch a show with me — I haven’t mopped my floors in (ahem), I can’t remember — My lemon tree needs to be picked & pruned — My garage has been piling up with all the things I need to get rid of (I’m waiting for better weather to have a garage sale) — I don’t give my kids gifts often enough — I don’t take my daughter to the park often enough — I fail again and again
  • when it comes to my looks
    • I’m short — I don’t have the nose or lips or hair like someone else — I have big hands & feet that make me feel like I must be less feminine — I have scars, my 4 beautiful babes were all c-sections — I’m not as graceful as others — I’m strong, so maybe that makes me less attractive — I’m not afraid to get dirty, to shovel muck, to lift heavy things & work hard…so, again, maybe that makes me less pretty because it’s less feminine — I don’t dress to a T like some others — I throw my head of hair in a hat often — I like to sit in my jammies at home — I don’t always wear makeup — I have wrinkles — My body isn’t perfect — My smile is crooked — and ON and ON…
  • when it comes to my relationships
    • I’m not a natural giver, so I’m not gifting my friends often — I forget to call them — I write them a text on their birthday instead of thinking ahead and sending them something, or bringing them something — I am so busy as a single mama, I feel I just drop the ball often in my friendships — I must not really be worth much as a friend
  • when it comes to my work [in both my day job and my own personal business]
    • I can feel inadequate, stupid, like I can’t figure it all out — I work on something I think is a great idea and it gets shot down — I have a day where I need to accomplish so much and I get so many other distractions that I don’t get done what I had set out to do — I break something — I forgot to do something someone else REALLY needed me to do — I forget to follow-through on something — SO many things that make me question whether or not I’m capable

At any moment, any number of those above things can come to mind, and I can dwell on them and start to believe them!  I can so often feel so worthless in everything I try to accomplish!  I’m failing as a mom, I’m ugly, I’m failing in my relationships, I’m dropping the ball in my job – YOU. NAME. IT

YOU HAVE FELT THE SAME THINGS – I KNOW IT!!  

IT’S SO COMMON TO HAVE THESE FEELINGS – the feeling of worthlessness that is a LIE!!  It is ‘a LIE that lies within’ because they are things we’re thinking internally…and if we think them for long enough, we will start to believe them!  But…we have to stop these internal lies because they are not true.  We are NOT worthless.

First, know that you are NOT alone!  Everyone from the poorest individual to the most popular rich celebrity have had these same feelings – they’re across the board.  So…KNOW that it’s something we all have to deal with – no MATTER how successful!

So…What Can We Do?

When we begin to doubt ourselves and our worth…when we doubt who we are and if we’re smart enough or pretty enough, it’s really important to have some quick tools we can grab to help walk ourselves through these LIES WITHIN and work through these feelings of self-worth that arise.

Be Kind

When we feel worthless, the first thing we do is be unkind to ourselves & talk negatively to ourselves.  We start feeding ourselves statements of  ‘see, you’re so dumb, Kelly’ or ‘ugh, see how ugly you are?’  So, we need to start taking better notice of when we do that and then we need to put a positive spin on those negative words we use to ourselves.  So maybe instead of  ‘see, I’m so dumb’, you can say ‘oh cool…I didn’t realize it worked like that!  Now I know!’  Or, instead of ‘ugh, see how ugly I am?’ say something like ‘I was created for a purpose, and I am so beautiful!  I love how beautiful my eyes are, and my hair is so shiny!’

Be Aware

Often times these feelings come from things happening around us – things we go through, other people in our lives, thoughts we have based on our world around us.  So when we can take notice of our surroundings and take notice what’s happening when we start to feel these feelings of worthlessness, we can start to catch ourselves – we’ll start noticing the times when we feel the most worthless and we can assess the situation (am I around ‘that’ person when I feel this way, or is ‘that’ thing happening when I get this feeling) – then we can evaluate the thoughts that come in those moments and work to STOP the thoughts and at the very least not allow ourselves to continue thinking the negative thoughts we’ve started thinking.  When we are AWARE, we can notice and shift.

Journal Your Gratitude

This is something I’ve done MANY times over the years.  What it helps us do is focus on the GOOD things that are happening in our lives.  Rather than comparing ourselves to what other people have, or look like, or do better than us, etc, etc, we are focusing on OUR life!  We stop thinking about what we lack and start focusing on all that we HAVE.  This can help to refocus the negative way we think about ourselves and start to LOVE who we are and all that we’ve been given!  Sometimes I’ll make myself write down EVERYTHING I can think of, starting with the little ladybug that flew in my window…from there, the list builds and grows, and I realize HOW MUCH my life has that is amazing!

Do Something – NOT for you

What happens when we are thinking negative thoughts about ourselves?  It means we’re FOCUSING on ourselves, right?  So, if we can divert attention elsewhere, wouldn’t it make sense that it could help diminish those negative thoughts?  So, shifting that focus OFF of ourselves and ONTO someone else can be a HUGE way to take the negative self talk OUT of our lives!  It’s actually been researched and found that helping others can have a positive effect on our well-being.  It can give us a greater sense of purpose and community – it’s a win-win!

Affirmations & Prayer

Using positive affirmations and prayers have also been known to help shift the mindset into speaking the TRUTH about ourselves rather than the LIES that creep into the mind.  Affirmations really are affirming to ourselves the TRUTH about ourselves – Prayers are a way to focus on God and give over to him your worries and negative thoughts.  And…I believe we can affirm ourselves with these affirmations, and pray about our struggles even BEFORE we may fully believe them internally.  But, it’s been shown that when we speak affirmations aloud to ourselves and when we pray, it can help us to shift the LIES we tell ourselves into TRUTHS about ourselves!

You are not stupid.  You are not worthless.  You are not all those negative feelings that arise.  You are unique, you have a voice, and you are called ‘beautiful’ by your creator.  I believe we were all born for a purpose. I see that in you, and I believe in you.

Have you ever experienced what I refer to as ‘The Lies Within’? How do you talk yourself through those feelings?

To stay up-to-date, get new shares and info, please subscribe below…